Fine, I'll get my own lunar lander...with blackjack...and hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! ©
LEELA: I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste!
BENDER: Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
FRY: What if I don't want to be a delivery boy?
LEELA: Then you'll be fired...
LEELA: ... Out of a cannon, into the sun.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Now that you're our new employees, I'd like you to have a look at our commercial. I paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Of course, not on the same channel.
LEELA: We're going to deliver this crate like professionals.
FRY: Aww, can't we just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it?
BENDER: Too much work! I say we burn it, then say we dumped it in the sewer!
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: If it is alien, we must destroy it!
KIF: Um, sir...
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Right. Nobody destroy Kif.
FRY: That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt!
BENDER: I hate people who love me. And they hate me.
(after getting kicked out of a theme park)
BENDER: Forget your stupid theme park! I'm gonna make my own! With hookers! And blackjack! In fact, forget the theme park!
FRY: Hey, you have no right to criticize the twentieth century! We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.
LEELA: Those things are all from the nineteenth century.
FRY: Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.
GLURMO: That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive!
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Ah, to be young again... and a robot.
BENDER: Fry, of all the friends I've had... you're the first.
AMY: Leela's gonna kill me.
BENDER: Naw, she'll probably have me do it.
FRY: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
DR. ZOIDBERG: Now open that mouth and lets have a look at that brain. (Fry opens his mouth) No, not that mouth, the other mouth.
FRY: I only have one mouth.
DR. ZOIDBERG: Really...
FRY: Uh... could I see a human doctor?
DR. ZOIDBERG: Now listen, young lady, I know everthing there is about humans.
FRY: No, Professor, don't give up! There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did, never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.
AMY: Good morning, Bender.
BENDER: None of your business! Get off my back!
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Kif, I have made it with a woman! Inform the crew!
LEELA: Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid.
FRY: I had more, but you go ahead.
HERMES: Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office, you could at least be on time for work.
FRY: I'm sorry, I was up really late poking through people's desks.
LEELA: Zapp, last night was a mistake.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: A sexy mistake!
BENDER: Why don't you just come move in with me?
FRY: Really? That would be great. You sure I wouldn't be imposing?
BENDER: Nah, I've always wanted a pet.
FRY: This is awesome! Are we gonna fly through space, fighting monsters, and teaching alien women to love?
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: If by that you mean transport cargo. Then yes.
BENDER (dreaming): Kill all the humans, kill all the humans, must kill all the humans.
FRY: Bender, wake up.
BENDER: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Let me show you around. That's my lab table, and this is my workstool. And over there is my intergalactic spaceship. And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer?
KIF: I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.
BENDER: Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Eh, screw the whole thing.
LEELA: All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living means that much to you.
FRY: Can I ask you a question?
LEELA: As long as it's not about my eye.
LEELA: Is it about my eye?
FRY: Sort of.
LEELA: Just ask the question.
FRY: What's with the eye?
LEELA: I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.
FRY: Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?
LEELA: No, I just work here.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Oh, and Fry, this is our intern Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. (whispers) I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.
FRY: Hurry up, I wanna see the moon!
LEELA: Relax, it's open till nine.
BENDER: Look what I won from a tourist's pocket.
AMY: You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig, but then later on you realize he actually has a really good body.
LEELA: Yes, but what about the animals?
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Uh, the what?
LEELA: The animals.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidently, this will kill all the animals.
LEELA: Fry, sometimes in closed quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it.
FRY: I know, but I forgive you.
LEELA: No, Fry, by closed quarters I mean this office.
LEELA: And by people I mean you.
LEELA: And by inconsiderate I mean...
FRY: Leela, we're trying to watch TV.
LEELA: All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately two hours ago.
TV ANNOUNCER: Bachelor Chow! Now with flavor!
LEELA: We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left.
BENDER: Eh, I'll do it when we get back.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Leela, it's real velour. Just let yourself go!
LEELA: Hey, he stole my ring.
BENDER: Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.
LEELA: Hey, look, that's Zapp Brannigan's ship!
FRY: Wow, the Zapp Brannigan?
FRY: Who's the Zapp Brannigan?
AMY: Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.
HERMES: The Federal Sex Bureau.
BENDER: A saucy puppet show.
DR. ZOIDBERG: The rotting carcass of a whale.
AMY: Mmm, I'll pick.
LEELA: If the oxygen holds out, we might live long enough to starve to death.
FRY: I'm never gonna get used to the thirty-first century. Caffinated bacon, baconated grapefruit, Admiral Crunch.
LEELA: Well, if you don't like that, try some Arch Duke Chocula.
FRY: Aw, come on, Bender loves mobs.
LEELA: Only when he's in them, and you know it.
FRY: Wait, you're the only friend I have...
BENDER: You really want a robot for a friend?
FRY: Yeah, ever since I was six.
BENDER: Well, okay, but I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals, so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.
FRY: Can I do the countdown?
LEELA: Huh? Oh, sure, knock yourself out.
FRY: Ten... nine...
LEELA: Okay, we're here!
FRY (quietly): Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff.
LEELA: I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison.
BENDER: You really are too picky.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: He manages my delivery business: pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: So, crawling back to the Big Z like a bird on its belly. Delicious.
LEELA: Birds don't crawl.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: They've been known to.
LEELA: Look, are you gonna rescue us or not?
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Can't you ask a little more sexfully?
LEELA: Can't we get away in the ship?
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: I suppose it is technically possible, although I am already in my pajamas.
LEELA: Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but you don't seem like the educated type.
FRY: I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades, or the physical endurance, plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me.
LEELA: Didn't you have ads in the twentieth century?
FRY: Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies, and at ballgames, and on buses, and milk cartons, and T-shirts, and bananas, and written in the sky. But not in dreams, no sirree.
BENDER: I'm a fraud – a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.
LEELA: They planted traditional college foliage: ivy, trees, hemp...
FRY: I betcha Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye.
BENDER: That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.
FRY: Yeah, that'd be a timesaver.
LEELA: Face it, Fry, baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.
FRY: Boring? Baseball wasn't... hmmm, so they finally jazzed it up.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.
BENDER: Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.
FRY: I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.
LEELA: Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring.
DR. ZOIDBERG: In fact, that's why we love you.
FRY: Listen, Bender, where's your bathroom?
BENDER: Bath what?
BENDER: What room?
BENDER: What what?
FRY: Ah, never mind.
LEELA: Oh, my God, we're heading straight into a black hole!
FRY: Talk about a mood killer.
LEELA: I don't care how many eyes a man has... as long as it's less than five.
FRY: This is a great, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus. Heh heh.
LEELA: I don't get it.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
FRY: Oh. What's it called now?
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Urectum.
FRY: Very impressive. Back in the twentieth century we had no idea there was a university on Mars.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Well, in those days Mars was just a dreary uninhabitable wasteland... much like Utah. But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable when the university was founed in 2636.
FARMER: Trespassers, eh?
FRY: No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.
FARMER: Ooh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay, but the rest is mighty wicked.
LEELA: Are you all right?
BENDER: Ah, it's nothing a a law suit won't cure.
FRY: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
LEELA: Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
FRY: I never thought it would end this way. Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.
ZAPP BRANNIGAN: This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the human race.
LEELA: Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure to put them in after you cook it.
FRY: You know what I like best about you, Umbrielle? You find me fascinating, even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.
DR. ZOIDBERG: Hooray, I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.
BENDER: I refuse to fight! I'm a concientious objector.
FRY: A what?
BENDER: You know, a coward.
FRY: What if the secret ingredient is people?
LEELA: No, there's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.
FRY: Oh. How is it?
LEELA: It varies from person to person.
DR. ZOIDBERG: It's funny because it's poisonous.
FRY: Hey, you guys, the most amazing thing happened - it's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme! Plus there's mermaids.
LEELA: I love every living creature.
FRY: Even me?
LEELA: As a friend.